I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize