I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
