i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
