also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we're making bets on your personal life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
