remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
