I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
