I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
