You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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