That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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