How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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