i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
