yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
