I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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