I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
