During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize