she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
