Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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