I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
