Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
