toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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