you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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