My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
