I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
