I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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