Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You don't make any sense
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