A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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