just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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