I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
