I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
