I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
high people should be assigned attendants
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
