Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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