so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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