i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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