Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
