based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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