i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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