I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize