i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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