I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
