he shaved USA in his pubs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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