dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
