I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
