dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
