Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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