Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
