: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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