my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
