I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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