i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
