So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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