True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
