FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
