yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
