We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
