Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We got so high we made milksteak
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
