You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
