Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
