Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
