Christians are straight up FREAKS
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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