How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
