i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You're like the curious george of whores
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
