oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
