True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
