the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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