I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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