He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
