what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
