the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
