Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
