that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
