They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
