Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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