is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
