just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
